Frustrated by Your Child Saying “I Can’t”

Most parents dread hearing their child saying  “I can’t!”  Dreading it will not make it stop.   Here the 1st thing you want to be completely aware of if you want to help your child transition from “I can’t” to “I can!”

The first thing you must understand as a parent is that 98% of all learning is observational learning.  This means a child’s behaviors, beliefs, and philosophy are learned from their the leaders of the communities they belong to.  Your child’s communities include home, school, peer groups, and extra-curricula activities.

Observational learning means your child will watch and mimic your behaviors and actions.  You can talk and explain until you are blue in the face and your child will mimic your behavior and not listen to your words.

I know what you are thinking.  Wow!  That means I am passing along my beliefs and actions to my child.  It may not be, the one reading this, that passes along beliefs to their child.  It can be coming from another household member who is considered the leader of your homestead.

For the next week, watch your reactions to everything.  Do you make excuses?  Do you struggle to make choices?  Do your facial expressions show anxiety and stress?  Do you demonstrate frustration or concern when your child is struggling to accomplish something difficult?  What are your actions and reactions being observed by your child?

Try to be mindful of your own actions and reactions to every day activities, new activities, or stresses.  The first step is to identify your own actions and how your child’s observational learning is programming your child’s neuron software system.  Once you start to identify times where you are struggling with making excuses, you can take intentional action to change your own behaviors.  As you change your behaviors, your child will observe your new actions and start learning to add those into their lives.

It is not going to be easy because you have years of observational learning from the leaders in your tribe which have shaped you into who you are today.  Being conscious of your behaviors and the impact they have on your child is the first step to help your child overcome any challenge in life.